


it is like this.

by ceraunos



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 16:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18673678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceraunos/pseuds/ceraunos
Summary: For the longest time it only begins, and begins, and begins. It ends for even longer.~Post Endgame drabble. Steve and Bucky through the years.





	it is like this.

**Author's Note:**

> just a very very quick endgame drabble to get this thought out of my head

_It starts like this_ ; in the early grey morning light, a boy with dust-blond hair and dirt on his cheek smiles, and Bucky huffs out a breath that swirls in the damp cold and like that they are friends.

 _It starts like this_ ; they’re ten and twelve respectively and Steve is drooling lightly on Bucky’s shoulder, a break from coughing dropping into exhaustion, and amongst the rattling snores Bucky bargains with heaven for the morning to be kinder.

 _It starts like this_ ; Bucky brings home a boy, and afterwards Steve finds him to say ‘It’s alright, Buck. You’re alright,’ and Bucky bites down on the sting of salt and the words that can’t ever be said.

 _It starts like this_ ; Steve twists in the golden evening light, letting it catch against his bare back, glistening on freckled skin, as he lies along the fire escape, and Bucky feels betrayal in the heat the floods through his blood.

 _It starts like this_ ; a boy breaks Bucky’s heart, except it never really belonged to that boy.

 _It ~~starts ends~~ happens like this_; a boy breaks Bucky’s heart, and Steve kisses him the next night. It is soft, full of pity and exploration, and Bucky knows it only half belongs to him.

 _It is like this;_ war breaks out except they miss the radio broadcast, because Steve is on his knees getting splinters from the ancient floorboards and Bucky is too busy to hear anything.

 _It ends like this;_ Bucky’s draft papers come through to the wrong address, and for two days he thinks maybe he is the luckier man in America. On the third day they are slipped half under the crack in the door, and everything stops.

 _It ends like this;_ in the early grey morning light Steve frowns and says he wishes he were going to basic training too. Bucky doesn’t doubt Steve will find a way, somehow, to enlist.

It ends like this; Bucky is delirious and exhausted and hurt. Then they are captured, and nothing makes sense for a very long time.

It ends like this; Steve is so much more Steve than he ever was that he is no longer Steve at all. They sleep together once more, except Bucky barely recognises the body, and it’s only when Steve stutters a breathy gasp, in the same way that he always used to, that Bucky closes his eyes and pretends.

 _It ends like this_ ; Steve and Peggy.

 _It starts like this_ ; Steve and Peggy.

 _It ends like this_ ; Steve and Peggy.

 _It ends like this_ ; Falling, and pain, and then so many years of ice and fury. Except, for a wonderful, shining moment _,_

 _It starts like this_ ; Bucky?

 _It starts like this_ ; who the hell is Bucky?

 _It starts like this;_ in a museum, a notebook, in half glimpsed memories and fugitive freedom.

 _It ends like this;_ a fight, more ice and peace snatched away before it begins.

 _It ends like this;_ after everything, the war that never stopped finally ends and Bucky lets go with the ease of letting a feather drift off a finger and into the breeze. It ends in second chances, and futures they were never supposed to have. It ends, with another beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> yh this wasn't what i meant to write it was meant to be happy whoops. anyway, i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ceraunos) and [tumblr](https://ceraunos.tumblr.com/) if you want to come and scream with/at me. x


End file.
